They figure it out for themselves. No one has to tell you. It is a very difficult balancing act. I could write a long essay length document on my approach to this. My son is older, age 12, and he knows he is smart now, but, I think about it in concrete terms of how does this matter? He just /IS/ smart. He won't ever be dumb. But if I can't teach him how to work hard and apply his natural gifts and what he has learned what good is being smart? I think kids are really good at figuring it out and using it (intelligence) without a lot of guidance. Of course, we do things and I try to keep them challenged at home, but I also try to show them what hard work is and how to enjoy simple things. In the real world, people care more about what you can do than how smart you are. Of course we love it when smart people do great things, but... it just doesn't matter in practice. I think it is all about focusing on values and emphasizing things (like hard work) over smart.